I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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