apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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