he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
