WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
