mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
