I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
