Sry I called you an 8
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
