No awkward lesbian experiences without me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
