So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
