Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
