I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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