Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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