Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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