were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
