remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
