i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
