Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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