If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
