So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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