If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
