i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
