We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
