I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
