Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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