look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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