just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
