Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
