Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
be right there i have to get my cape
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
not ubering you a puppy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
