if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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