ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
