I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
