he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
