She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
