I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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