so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
