I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
