I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
People in love make me want to vomit
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
