mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
