he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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