chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
