My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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