She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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