3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
