saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
