she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
