Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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