Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There's even glitter on my cock...
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