Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
