I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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