I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
