If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
