EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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