Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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