the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
