I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
