we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
