I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
