I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
