next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
