Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
