Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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