hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
