8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
