I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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