porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
