Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
