I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
