did you get engaged???
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
