Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
