you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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