uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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