The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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