omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
