remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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