How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
