i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
