I can tuck mytits in my pants
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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