evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will be naked everywhere
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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